I love black thongs
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
