you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
