I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
