So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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