my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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