I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
