i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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