I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
