I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
