Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
