The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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