4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
