I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
