God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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