so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
