Whod you bang
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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