dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
