So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
