k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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