Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
