so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
