i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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