apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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