My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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