Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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