therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
