If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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