I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
