My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
