I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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