How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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