found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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