You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
