Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
