Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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