I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
