Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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