boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You took a bar mat shot.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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