Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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