I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
