i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we should paint friendship bongs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
