Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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