2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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