either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
