Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
