paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
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