Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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