I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
