im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
