My room smells like vodka and shame
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
