just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
