the day after is always just damage control
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't turn off my feet"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
