It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
